A major psychological moment in everyone’s life is the death of a mother or father -the parent. For almost everyone, this is a true statement. Let’s consider some of the commonly asked questions of the bereaved with some possible helpful answers for you.
1. Why do I feel so bereft now that they’ve died, even though we weren’t close for years?
Losing someone you’ve known all your life is a seminal moment, whether you were close to that person as an adult or not. And even though you may not have gotten on with them, they probably had a role in your childhood with your upbringing and subconsciously providing you with some security and protection. They were a part of your life in some way, you need to try to come to terms with this.
2. Why can’t I stop thinking about… “I wished I’d spoken to my parents about that”
The loss of someone we love brings out the raw emotion of grief and polarizes certain points in your life or relationship with that parent. Whether it’s regret of something spoken in anger or something not said at all. You need to think about the “global” picture of the relationship, the great memories, the things you did discuss and their life and your relationship as a whole.
3. How do I answer this statement?
“I am dreading seeing my siblings at the funeral because we always fight.”
Focus, Focus, Focus on mourning the one you’ve lost, the celebration of their life and the funeral service. Because everyone grieves differently and this is a time full of trauma and change, focus on the gathering. The opportunities for awareness of self and understanding your feelings will come in the months and years ahead. Old fights need not be bought up, discussed nor thought about during this time – just focus on the loved one and your own grief.
4. Do you now feel frightened? Even though you felt you were held back by your parents?
Sometimes change, any change is frightening. And as you process your mourning within, you’ll realize that as a consequence of this death, your life has changed. There is a new you that you have to deal with. If you felt constrained by your parent whether as a child or adult for any reason, you can now be brave and find the many ways to re-discover yourself.
5. Should I be worried that I now find myself thinking about my own death all the time?
The generational change that the death of a parent signifies, inevitably makes us consider our own mortality. To suffer anxiety about our own mortality following the loss of someone close to us is entirely natural. We need to face these thoughts at a very difficult time in our life’s journey. Look to others for help and support if necessary.
Bruce Hultgren was suddenly affected by the tragic loss of his Sister in a plane crash in 1999. Since that date, Bruce has dedicated his time to helping the millions of people around the world who meet these emotions on their journey. Dealing with Death, Funerals, Grief and Dying.
Now an accomplished writer on the subject, Bruce has included Funeral Memorial Angels and A collection of articles his http://www.PocketAngels.com website to help families celebrate, remember and go through this most trying of times together.
He has also discovered a gift to write heartfelt verses that can be found in his PocketAngels range.