Moving On: Dating after losing your spouse.
Are you a widow and dating again is something you’re beginning to contemplate? Have you grieved and mourned your loss, but you now wonder if, as a widow, dating is something you’re ready for? Have you been told it’s time to move on, but being a widow and dating don’t seem to mix well in your mind?
Time on Your Own
Losing a loved one is life changing. Whether he passed away following a lengthy illness or he was killed suddenly, the sudden sense of emptiness in your life can be devastating… a veritable nightmare.
The healing process takes time and you need to indulge yourself and take all the time you need. Moving on too quickly can be painful, bringing to the surface the pain that’s not yet healed and leaving your fresh wounds wide open.
People’s Perception of Widows and Dating
Widows who date are sometimes criticized for moving on too fast. Their husband has barely been buried a few months and she’s already going out with a new man and people frown at the short grieving time.
More often than not, these are widows who’ve witness the slow deterioration of a sick spouse. Over a period of months, sometimes even years, they’ve watched the love of their life slowly slip away.
You Feel Ready… Then Go!
Though it may seem strange to others who’ve not lived through what you have, it’s perfectly normal to feel you’re ready to move on after only a few months.
As a friend recently told me, to her mind and heart, her husband had truly left her when he was first told he had a brain tumor. He changed and was no longer himself, and for the next two years my friend remained at his side, daring to hope with each new treatment that was suggested, only to fall to depressing lows when treatments barely made a difference.
When her husband died, she felt a desperate need to reconnect with life. Her pain, suffering and loneliness were suffocating her. It was time to move on despite her children’s misgivings about her dating again.
Trust Your Heart
When you begin dating again, make sure you feel ready to open up to this new man before you, not simply hope to make him a replacement of the man you lost. If your new date is aware of your recent loss and of your great pain, he may feel the pressure to live up to your expectations of replacing him.
While your pain is normal, try to come to your date with as clean a slate as you can. Avoid talking of your late husband, especially if the topic is still painful. Though your date may be ready to hear talk of him to a degree, to see you tear up and become glum as you lose yourself in the memories will only leave him feeling uncomfortable.
This article is contributed by Tina Jones from the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.